This is so not like me to write a post like this, but this is what is happening to me in my life after Emmy. I feel like my mind and soul are open now and I am being led towards things that speak to me so very loud and clear.
I was in Publix this evening milling around waiting for a presciption for Kara (she has Strep, just when her stomach bug has cleared!). Anyway, I passed by a rotating book rack. For some reason, I turned to take a second look. I looked over the books and didn't see anything I was interested in. I turned and turned. That second turned led my eyes directly upon "My Glimpse of Eternity" by Betty Malz. I decided to buy it.
When I got home I fed Anna, gave Kara her antibiotics, etc, etc. About an hour after I got home and everyone was content I started reading. I was called to this book, I am totally convinced. I picked up this book and read it cover to cover in about 5 or 6 hours. I have never read a book in one whole day. I have never read a book with the TV on. I even read this book while Jeff had the TV on and he was talking on the phone. Unreal! I have to post this message to you because this book is now so very special to me and I may read it again and again!
I realize now that I was selfish in my praying during Emmy's time of need. I knew the prayers I should have been praying and I refused to pray that way. I had actually asked people to pray in specific ways for Emmy, not for her peace, but for healing her earthly body. Emmy needed peace and only He knew the peace she should have. I knew what she really needed and I am ashamed that. As her Mother, I couldn't stand up and tell Him that it really was His peace that she needed and deserved so badly. I'm sad that I let my earthly, selfish side take over.
This is an excerpt from this book, but I wish now that I had prayed this prayer over Emmy during her last few months:
"Lord, we are so weak, but You are strong. How we love You, how we trust You, how completely and totally we depend on You. Betty is Your child, Lord Jesus, and she needs Your love and Your tenderness and Your compassion and Your healing touch. We do not beg for her life for any selfish reason of our own. You loaned her to us for a few years and yet we know she has always belonged to You. Oh, how we praise You for Your goodness to us during these years, for the blessings You poured upon us, for Your day-by-day presence in our home. We can sense Your love filling this room now. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for Your comforting Presence."
I have been reading "90 Minutes In Heaven" by Don Piper and I am really enjoying his book. It's not speaking directly to me like the one I read cover to cover tonight. However, their accounts of Heaven are very, very similar. It's very soothing to me to now know the following things...
Emmy is now in a place where she can run around and play like she always wanted to.
Emmy was led to a beautifully serene place by sweet, heavenly angels. She could understand everything that they were saying to her and she could respond appropriately with no struggles or barriers.
Emmy was sung to and she could hear every speech sound that was sung. I'm sure that she did some dancing steps as she walked into the pearly heavenly gates and was in the presence of her Father.
We miss Emmy so very much every moment! Kara told me last night that she was happy that she still had a sister. I'm so glad that God sent Anna Grace to us. Anna Grace is our angel that will help guide us through this horribly difficult time. I have to remember when Anna Grace screams and shrieks with joy that it is her angels voice singing a heavenly tune!
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